I'll never need...

another pair of shoes again! This is so me, flip flops and SNOW BOOTS! I love it when I can embrace simplicity, and I love that I am not a shoe girl.

I got my first pair of adult snow boots, and although they are not the most stylish boots, I LOVE THEM!!!! The most stylish pair (at Target) were 15 bucks more and after a recent "discussion" Ryan gave me about spending I thought I'd make him proud and go for the "less expensive" pair. So look at the cute marks they make in the snow!!! Happy Day! Little snowflakes!

It is POURING snow right now, its insane!

Julia is at her "boyfriend's" house right now so I better go get her before she's stuck there for days. Real quick on the subject, this boy's name is RYAN- ironic?? So it started out with simple admiring his humor (sound familiar) and has turned into a full blown crush! She wanted me to be Ryan all day yesterday and she was a Princess and they kept going to the temple to get married. I'm in for a LONG adolescences with her!! :) Its cute though right now!

And To All A Good Night!

Christmas is over- woohoo! Don't get me wrong I loved every second of it, but getting my house back from the decorations is soooooooo wonderful to me! A brief recap..

Saturday we went sledding all together! SOOOOO FUN! I highly recommend it!!! Julia is a daredevil, not scared one bit! Loved going by herself and usually insisted on it. Lauren went a couple times with mom and was humbly amused. Ryan was a riot as those that know him can imagine.

Sunday Grandma left and we had a quiet Christmas Eve. Frosted some cookies for Santa and put them on the plate the girls made last year (well Julia painted it while newborn Lauren laid on my chest, ah the memories). We watched some Christmas movies and put the girls to bed. The one night every child can't sleep, mine did uncommonly well. Not until after 7am did we wake to see what Santa had brought. Julia was amazed Santa ate her cookies and gave his reindeer the carrots. She wasn't too happy he left a bit behind, but I told her after eating Avry's cookies, and Anna's cookies, and a few other friends he was getting too full, she was appeased. Present opening was fun, we couldn't keep up with Julia. She got to open most of Lauren's presents too because Lulu was not interested in unwrapping at all, just playing with everything once she saw what it was. Even clothes were fun to put on her head, silly babe!

Julia's favorite thing was her My Little Pony Castle. I haven't ever seen her play with something like she plays with this, its sooo girly and cute, brought back childhood memories, LOVE IT!

We went to see Charlotte's Web. That was really good, Ryan walked Lauren around the whole time. I guess it was Christmas wishful thinking she would make it through a movie.

Our good friends the Johnsons came over for dinner and game playing. It was fun, they make us laugh sooo hard, we love 'em!

So let the New Year begin! Thinking of a resolution I think I might actually keep. Life's little joke- my working out plan, yeah the kidney stone ruined my schedule and I haven't been since, so lets pick something I can do even with life's curves, pardon the pun. I think being more environmentally aware, that's my start, perhaps I can elaborate and specify later. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Diggin It

That's what we're doing!

YAY!! We got our car out of the middle of the street, I will be taking my kidney stone pain killers now for my BACK! Holy Cow Snow Is Heavy!!

I don't know how sincere this can come across on a blog, but we can't believe how much we love this! My mom thinks we've lost our minds. I think it was the decades of desert winters that make this so amazing!

The sun popped out as if a sign from the heavens celebrating Ryan's shoveling outfit.

BLIZZARD!!!!!

This is totally the coolest!!! We are SNOWED IN! Seriously, we got over 3 feet of snow, it started snowing yesterday at 4am and HASN'T STOPPED!

At about 10am yesterday I thought I would run to the store and get some things I thought we might need, yeah I barely got to the store (Scariest ride of my life) but once there I saw cars spinning their wheels in their parking spots and I didn't want to get stuck so I just went back home, only to not be able to get back up my driveway!!!

Ryan's work let him go home early and on the way his windshield wipers froze and he had to stick his head out the window to see where he was going! ITS NUTS! So the bad thing about all this is my mom has been here and she was supposed to go home Wed night, yeah she has a flight leaving SUNDAY! She is freaking out, missing so much work, I feel really really bad for her, but we can't even get out of our house, down our street, let alone to the freeways. The airport is closed until tomorrow anyway.
This is Ryan right now, TRYING to dig out our driveway so he can get his car in (see it buried out there?). His car is in the middle of the street because he couldn't get it any closer yesterday with the snow and wind.

Look how high the snow is!! Last night we both went out back to dig our heater vents out, you know so we don't all die of carbon monoxide! I would take steps and the snow would go up to my waist! It was HILARIOUS!

We're definitely going to have a white winter! :) We're going sledding as soon as we can get down our street to the park- I can't wait! We made cookies and hot chocolate, it's just the ideal winter storm, WE LOVE IT! I've been working on Lauren's quilt, it's sooo cute! Julia and Grandma made a Ginger bread house. There are so many fun things about a snowy Colorado Christmas. The BEST is RYAN is HOME from work- YAHOO!!!! Better go help him shovel- or just push him over in a snow bank, we'll see what happens! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Now that's ONE way to wean...

Get a Kidney Stone!

Oh my goodness, have you heard they hurt like having a baby, well it's the TRUTH! Last night I was in the ER with my very own precious little kidney stone, I seriously thought I might die. I was immediately given an IV and some lovely narcotics, which hello, I can't nurse now, at least for 24 hours after taking my drugs, which I am still taking at home. Ryan has been DYNAMITE taking care of Lauren. I couldn't get out of bed last night if I wanted to. She is really taking to milk and getting the clue that mom isn't going to be picking her up in the middle of the night.

Indulge me for a second as I look into this too much for just a moment- My happy spin on all this- COULD it be a blessing in disguise??? I think so! Perhaps this is the path the Lord is giving so that I can start the estrogen??? Why go back to nursing after all this pain and suffering just to have to go through it again? I'm thinking this is kind of cool.

Here is the little Christmas Elf this morning, what a joy she is!

Fight Against Osteoperosis

I worked out last night and man does it feel good! Why do I always stop? It feels so great! I think that having a purpose OTHER than loosing weight it very releasing. I did 30min cardio and then did circuit training. I am supposed to do "weight bearing exercises" so doing the whole circuit for the first time was fun. I am major wimpy! I kept following this guy and would change the weights by like 200 pounds every time! WHATEVER! I'll be buff someday, even if it only shows in my bones, that's what counts! I have a new plan too so hopefully I won't give up again. We're going to do our FHE on Sunday nights and then I can work out Mon and Fri nights at the gym and make Wed. my workout at home day- what that exactly consists of I haven't figured out yet. I have one 5pound weight, maybe I'll lift that a couple hundred times. :)
I'm making Lauren a quilt now, oh momma do I love the material. I went a little buck wild the day after Thanksgiving at Joanne's. Flannel was 99 a yard! SO I got some cute combos! Woo-hoo, better go get a cuttin!

We must go to Bethlehem to See the Baby Jesus

That is the song my little Sheppard has been singing all week in preparation for her play today. She was soooooooo cute! It was really fun to be another camcorder holding mom today. She sang that song as they walked into the sanctuary, then she just stood there for the rest of the play, not too exciting, but still just melts your heart. I made her Sheppard costume last night. Had to figure out how you put sleeves on but once I did it was a snap. I love being a mom that can whip up a little costume, that's the height of cool to me.

Jules made this baby Jesus ornament at her party, the face she drew CRACKS me up! That's the saddest baby Jesus I ever saw!

Lauren enjoyed the festivities as well....i.e. CAKE at the big kids' table! Yeah it was a "Happy Birthday Jesus" cake. That is so funny to me, not something you hear is the LDS circle, but I like it.

I love Christmas!

Santa Doesn't Come

To Messy Houses!

Yeah, you didn't know that? Well not even Julia is buying that threat. So Santa will most likely come to a messy Adams' household. Here's a picture to prove it- our basement...does it even look like these children NEED any more toys????

So yes, the sun has come up on a new day and I am doing much better. I think I needed at least 12 hours to pity myself, then all my blessings hit me in the head and I realize what a sap I was being. Perhaps nursing Lauren last night helped clear my mind too. My philosophy this morning, is take care of the babes I do have and let the Lord send another IF HE WILLS. Hopefully by January Lauren will be completely weaned and then I can try the estrogen, but I can't make this traumatic for either of us, just not my style.

So thanks for putting up with yet another "whaaa whaaa" blog.

Now back to Christmas....

Life is HARD (slightly explicit)

So went to a new reproductive endocrinologist today...yeah I still have POF. I think in my heart of hearts I cannot accept that. It is just so unfair, but anyway. The doc was way way way cool, the first thing he said to me was,"so you have a miracle baby?" He had my heart from there. He wants me to take the high doses of estrogen again and see what happens. Ryan's at Home Depot right now buying supplies to repair the house for the inevitable damage my hormones will cause. Lauren is at the brunt of this decision...breastfeeding must come to an end. She is crying so hard in her crib tight now, poor thing, she NEVER goes to bed with out being "topped off". I am major sad for her, it breaks my heart. I want her to have middle child syndrome though, so I guess it begins with cold turkeying the boob juice. (In the midst of my tears that sentence really made me laugh.) Life is hard, I want babies and I don't want to be nuts over each one before they even exists, I don't want to feel like a sick person even though my body is all jacked, I want to be grateful for what I have and that be enough, I want to go hold Lauren and whip my boob out and make everything ok. Life is hard.

A little somethin somethin

Ok so I like our tree now. We decorated it last night while Lauren was sleeping, which at first felt wrong, but I didn't want her to get the idea that she can play with it anymore than will already come naturally. Julia is so cute, she oohed and awwed at every ornament. I love how much a tree makes it feel like Christmas in your house. It doesn't matter how many obnoxious decorations I have (and LOVE), without a tree something is missing. The tree lights really brought back newborn Lauren feelings too- how special!

This morning Ryan has taken the girls to get me a Christmas present. I LOVE and think it is so awesome that he WANTS to go with the girls, he's the raddest dad. He is all about his girls, but I think sometimes it might be hard being the only guy... this morning when we all came down stairs for breakfast I said good morning to the tree and Julia copied me, Ryan replied as the tree, "Good mornig" in a real gruff voice. He asked if the tree could be a boy since everyone else in the house is a girl, I told him no way. The toilets and garbage cans are boys, geez what else does he want?

Check out this Christmas Elf! Loves those teefies and that great big cheesey smile! Her shoes are the best too! She is lovin this new slide of hers, a bit more adventurous than I was prepared for!

Yesterday I babysat and decided since it was soooo nice out we'd go to the zoo. It was fun, but a word to the wise- FEED children BEFORE you go to the zoo. I heard "I'm hungry" in three different languages (1yr old: cry, 2 yr old: gibberish, 3yr old: whine) for two hours! We had a nutrious McDonalds lunch afterwards, such great forthought on my part.

Real Tree...

Yeah, so in the spirit of Colorado Christmas we thought we'd get a real tree.. let me just fill you in on what that means- REAL BUGS, REAL MESSES, REAL MOM GOING CRAZY! It smells nice and looks pretty, but the needles all over my carpet that blend in so you can't see them until you step on them and poke your foot, are making me nuts!!!! And nice that my lame vaccuum cleaner can't suck them up without getting clogged every 2 seconds! The bugs are the worst! A freakin wasp, some huge thing I have never seen before and a spider!!!! Minor freak out, thanks for endulging.

LAUREN GRACE

It really happened, my baby turned one. I did sooo good all day; was happy and busy cleaning for her party, making her cake, playing with new gifts. I kept saying to myself, "this is it. You're living this day, this moment." Around 6pm though I fell apart, at Red Robin no less. The tears started and haven't stopped. Nursing her to sleep was especially hard. I don't even really know why I am crying- I just feel like doing it. I LOVE HER SOOOO MUCH!!! I am sooooooo thankful for her. That she is real and here and has been for a year is just incredible. I feel like I am dreaming it sometimes, like now. How can I honestly be this blessed???

She is truly a miracle. We watched her birth video last night (THANK YOU HOLLY!!!), that was so surreal! I was watching it, and have the memories, but it still didn't seem like that was me. But when I saw me hold her for the first time, oh yeah, that was me. I can never put into words what this baby means to me. I keep trying to express what I am feeling and all that comes to my mind is I LOVE HER, I LOVE HER SO MUCH. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR HER. To have this special little bundle to love and hold and smell and rock and feed and teach, it is just my everything. Oh and to see Julia a year ago, that is adding to the tears. I was prepared to see a newborn, but Julia at two, I had NO IDEA how much she has grown and changed. Oh my goodness, the tears just pour over that too. She was and is and ALWAYS has been the best big sister. I LOVE THIS PICTURE OF HER! 12-11-05. She has not had one day of jealousy, well except today. Yeah she really couldn't handle the fact that Lauren was getting presents and all the attention. She kept saying , "What about me?" and "My birthday is in March!" Poor kid, this is her first expereince with Lauren really being the center of attention, it was shock to her little system. She is even sleeping with one of Lauren's stuffed toys she got today, Jules at least asked Lauren first, it was very sweet.

Ok so this is not the most flattering picture, but it was the one I had looked forward to since I had found out I was having another baby. I was so excited for Julia to come to the hospital and see me and meet her new baby. It was really wonderful. We were a real family of four. MAGICAL.

And this is Lauren today! Drinking a juice box and eating cheese, what more could you ask out of a birthday??? Did some one say a princess hat and cake?? YOU GOT IT... Check out that grin- mmmm CAKE!

It was a great day. I really missed celebrating with the people that would know what a special day this is, but we had friends here that really helped make the night fun. Julia did a cheer when we assured her that Lauren's birthday ended after tonight, and I slightly agree with those sentiments. Yay its over, let's move on and watch this precious babe turn into an amazing toddler, beautiful incredible little girl, and that's about all I can handle right now.

snowbabies

We got snow the other day and have been FREEZING!! But the world is so beautiful and bundling up is so fun and icicles are so cool it is worth it. It feels like we live in a snow globe. Taking Julia to school yesterday I saw how the snow sparkles like glitter in the sun and it just stole my breath and made me smile.
I have been busy busy with Christmas present making for my best friends!! YAY! Hopefully I will mail them today, I'm really happy with them, even if they do look extremely homemade- thats what they are! I am just so thankful for friends that will like them anyway and because.
I wish I could post a picture, maybe after you all get them. :)
I took a pregnancy test today- NEGATIVE! No matter how much you prep yourself it is always soooo disappointing. Ryan was pretty excited and that is all the harder to let him down too. No period this month either so I am even more disgusted, faith! Faith faith faith! Thats what I say every time I start to have those "bad thoughts".
I get a lump in my throat though thinking about Lauren, she is my constant reminder that anything is possible. Her turning one is hard. I'm trying really really hard to not over think it, but I feel like I'm going over a major hill. Crossing over a bridge of no return. No more baby things, no more tiny clothes and shoes, no more holding something that is so small and soft you never want to put her down. There is so much to look forward to and I enjoyed every second of Lauren's first year, I will not spend anytime doing anything but being sooo very thankful for my two girls.