It's been two days now with no crying- yay! Tuesday Julia had a dance class, ohmygoodness! Soooo adorable!!! I loved every second of it, watching her and holding Lauren, I couldn't help think I was the luckiest mom in the world at that moment! Julia's little chubby legs sticking out of that ballerina outfit, oh yeah and her white underwear poking out the left side of her bum was too funny! She was a ball of energy from the moment we got in the room, she couldn't stand still while waiting for her teacher to get the music and roll ready. She'd get close to the other girls and smile so big, like "this is so exciting right?" She was the only one that would yell out the answers to the teachers questions and it was cute cute cute! The teacher asked, "What does a crocodile look like?" And after a couple seconds of silence Julia says, "this!" and made a big chomping noise and expression. We all laughed. They were to tiptoe across the room and then do it backwards, both times Julia booked it, she HAS to be first, (I sense trouble with that in the future). She is definitely our little dancer, unfortunately I think she's got her mom's flexibility and coordination, which at three years old is very funny, not so much as you get older. Maybe the lessons will help with that, I remember I was in ballet lessons and quit, I couldn't put my head on my knee and that was enough for me- even at a young age I guess I couldn't handle my limitations.
Last night we babysat for my new Colorado best friend, Rebecca, she has a little boy just 3 weeks younger than Lauren, it was a lot of fun. We told Julia she was the babysitter which cracked her up! She was way excited though and was an even bigger help than usual, she's got the mommy gene in her BIG time! So adorable! Lauren was a typical Adam's woman, aggressive and totally controlling, made my heart swell. haha She really liked having a little playmate, was touching him and watching him and wanting him to share his toys.
Now this morning I opened the scriptures and feel so much gratitude for them and the fact that I know Heavenly Father is aware of me. I opened up to Ether12, EXACTLY I mean EXACTLY what I need to hear! A couple verses that jumped out were, 6) "...faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." I know this is true, I now have to dispute not because I see not. I WILL have faith and I will see this trial through. 12) "For if there be no faith among the children of men God can do no miracle among them; wherefore, he showed not himself until after their faith" I have to believe He will give me another miracle, I will keep the faith and hope for another babe to love, another miracle to testify of His grace, mercy, and promises. 27) "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." I love this. My weakness is being shown unto me, I will be humble, and strive to learn the Lord's will through this. I look forward to the day when my faith is strong enough to make my weak things become strong. It is just incredible to me, how these trials bring us so close to the Lord. It is humbling to know that all things are given from God, to know I mustn't ever forget that. I have thanked him everyday for Lauren, EVERYDAY I have been eternally grateful for her beautiful life and that I get to be her mom. But I think in the past few months I may have thought maybe my body wasn't in as bad of shape as we thought, maybe there was a medical explanation for how she got here. I now see clearer than ever, NO, she is here only by the grace of God. I am even more grateful because of this understanding, it is the most humbling feeling to be sooooo indebted to the Lord, to know He loves me enough or as much as to to give me another opportunity to raise one of his children. I need to be ever mindful of having charity in my heart and be about His work. And I have faith that after this trial I may receive yet another opportunity to bear a child. That's where I am at on this journey.
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3 comments:
Wow. I am teaching Relief Society next week and it's on Faith. I can use your scriptures. Thanks. You are so wonderful and strong.
What a cutie! Julia looks like she is loving dance class. Oh, girls are so fun.
Glad to hear that you are feeling better too. I loved reading this post today. I think I actually read through the last part several times. You are right that it is God's timing with having kids. I keep trying to tell myself that & really believe it...but there is so much of me that wants to be the one in control....to say...no, this is how it's supposed to work.
I remember before you got pregnant for Lauren how faithful you were and now you have your little miracle. Heavenly Father is capable of so much more than we even know.
You're doing so good that you are feeling optimistic and not giving up hope.
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